May 20, 2008 Jesus spider

Yesterday I was in the bathroom, doing my hair or make-up or something, when I saw a spider sneaking up behind me in the mirror. I twisted around and saw the sneaky bastard trying desperately to climb back up his strand of web to the safety of the ceiling. "Ah HA!! Not fast enough, little creepy crawly! I'll teach you not to slink up behind me!" And I grabbed the web way up high, so he didn't have time to climb up and get me, and tossed the offending culprit into the toilet. He landed on the surface of the water and just stood there, legs all sprawled out below him, standing on the water like a deity. So I left him. I said "If you can climb out then you're free. You can just hang out on the toilet water and think about what you tried to do, mister!" I shut the lid and left.

That was about 7:30 yesterday morning.

Yesterday evening, about 5:30 or so I went back into the bathroom and flipped up the lid on the toilet. The Jesus spider was still there. Walking on the water. Trying to throw a lasso of web to the side of the bowl and climb out. I was impressed. He didn't give up, didn't sink, and didn't drown. So, I felt pity on him and decided to let him go. I grabbed the discarded box the toothpaste came in and put it down next to the spider so he could climb up. I sort of underestimated his desire to get free and as he started making a mad-dash up the box I had to quickly pop the screen out of the window. I didn't want him running loose in the house after spending the day in the toilet. I know he'd just lay in wait for me to fall asleep so he could run all over my face with his toilet-water stained feet. So, I got the screen popped and tried to toss the eight-legged water walker out the window. No such luck. He hung on for dear life. I finally got him to fall off, after having to blow extra hard on the box. Out the window he went.

Then I realized he spent about 10 hours walking on water in the toilet only to be tossed out the window from the 2nd story. I doubt he survived the fall. Hmmm....what a crappy day to be a spider.