Friday, January 06, 2006

on a scale of one to mom

I spent some time with my mom last Saturday because she was having a really bad day. She told me that she's never been so lonely in her whole life, and she cried and cried. She and my dad were together for over 36 years, now he's gone, and she's feeling lost, dead, alone. I've felt pretty lonely before, and I've cried over lost love. But, thinking about that, and trying to fathom what my mother is going through leaves me feeling pretty ashamed of myself for thinking my poor little broken heart was such a tragedy. I've been through break-ups that have left me feeling half alive but mostly dead. I know heartbreak. But to even try to compare those little contusions to what my mom must be feeling? I can't think of a more unfair comparision. I have friends who are feeling bad because they've lost the one they loved. Things happen, people grow apart and break-up. It sucks. I know. A few months ago I lost the one who I thought was The One. I've never felt loss like that before. The failure of my marriage didn't shake my foundation the way this one did. I'm still reeling from the concussion. But it's getting better, and when I put it in perspective, what I lost really wasn't that much. It was a 6 month whirl-wind love affair. I dropped my guard and got swooped up. Lesson learned. Move on, nothing left here to see. Anyway, yep, been hurt and lived to tell the tale. I do have empathy for those who have also been hurt. However, I do not have empathy for those who think that their hurt is far more painful or immobilizing than someone elses. Now I'm judging on a scale that puts my mom's loss at one end and losing your house key at the other. Don't be so arrogant as to think I will place your pain anywhere near my mom, it's not gonna happen.